Bruno and Budz VI Zucchini Warrior

Author: Gordon Kormon (Canada) / Translated by Lin Zheng
Translator: Lin Zheng / Country:
Publisher:
Publish Date: 2004-08-01
Features: [Excerpt:] At a table in the corner of a restaurant, nine boys were enjoying their last dinner before the hard-pressed task the next day. "Buz, you really make me angry!" Peter Anderson shouted, "Those zucchini strips are no match for french fries! I almost threw up!" As each student expressed their opinion on Mr. Carson's zucchini strips, complaints accompanied them, and the vote was 9 to 0 against. Even Weber, the largest eater at McDonald's, lifted his head from the meatloaf in his plate, making a grimace when he heard others mention Mr. Zucchini. "There's a good reason for this," Bruno explained, "When our football team brings honor to the football league, he'll give us the gymnasium." "Listen, Bruno," Buz said, "We know nothing about football. We've never played a formal game with referees, rules, and all the equipment. Even if we manage to practice well, have you seen the killers who play on high school and college teams? They're the real deal!" "But we won't be fighting against high school and college killers. We'll be playing against teams of our level. I hope everyone of you goes to the selection tomorrow." "I won't," the giant Weber mumbled from behind a mountain of mashed potatoes, "I don't want to appear on the field with a group of gorilla-like monsters." "You're a gorilla-like monster yourself," his roommate Larry Wilson said. "Tell everyone," Bruno said, "I want to see the best of our school on the field tomorrow." "Hey, you know what? Mortimer Dees fell in love with the physical education teacher at Scranton-McKee High School?" Myron Blankenship said nonstop during practice the next day. "Shut up!" Dave Jackson cut him off sharply. "He sends her love poems every day." "Shut up!" "His poems are terrible." "Shut up!" "They're not even rhyming." Bruno adjusted his helmet. "I think I understand why 'Fish' knew it was me who flushed the zucchini strips down the toilet. It's probably that guy with a big mouth." "Yeah," Buz agreed, "We have to be careful in front of that guy." Calvin was on the sidelines, screaming with his hands on the ground. He was holding a large tomato, which he had saved from lunch and carried with him all afternoon. Suddenly, he roared and charged into the center of the field, let out a terrifying scream, threw the tomato to the ground, and lunged at it. Peter Anderson was stunned: "What is he doing?" "This is to show us a little bit of what the beast will do to the other teams when we start the game!" Calvin stood up, wiping the squashed tomato off his chest with indifference. Under the guidance of Coach Flynn and Henry Carson, the boys began various training exercises designed to bring them into good shape and improve their skills. Mr. Carson even purchased tackling dummies and weightlifting equipment to complete the training. Carson threw his hat to the ground in frustration. "He fell down again!" he complained. Sidney fell hard again while trying to run across two rows of large truck tires. "He can catch passes, he can run like a gazelle, but his legs just can't stay steady!" "I don't want to know about this," Coach Flynn said coldly, "This is your team. I'm insignificant, I wasn't even invited to the team meeting." Carson's face flushed. "Oh, Alex, I've told you a hundred times—I just, forgot. To be honest, I'm just an assistant and a sponsor. This is your team." "Good point," Bruno said, "I think this is the most important thing—" At that moment, Elmer rushed to the table, looking uneasy. "Bruno, I just encountered something strange. I met Mr. Carson in the lobby, he stopped me, lifted me into the air, and congratulated me, saying I was the best kid in the world. I told him that it was too hasty to praise me, because my hamster hasn't mated yet. So he laughed, lifted me up, and said he liked my sense of humor." Elmer looked at his companions at the table. All of them were laughing so hard they couldn't straighten up. "Now I know I've forgotten something!" Bruno said excitedly, unable to speak. "Ah," Elmer exploded, "You think this is funny? It's terrifying! He lifted me into the air!" Bruno signaled for Elmer to sit down in his chair: "There are times when one must support something that seems a bit strange for the sake of the school. Elmer, my friend, the fact is that everyone thinks you're the outstanding quarterback of the McDonald's Warriors team. You're not—you don't hurry. If someone asks, just say yes." "What kind of explanation is that?" Buz asked,. He turned to the confused Elmer, "Listen, Cathy from Scranton-McKee High School is playing for our team. We can't say it's her, so we have to say it's you. Understand?" "But why say it's me?" Elmer asked in pain. "Because Cathy told everyone it was you. We had no choice but to follow suit." Elmer thought for a moment: "Am I an outstanding football player?" "Hey," Bruno said, "You're the star of the team." "Well, I guess that's fine." Myron Blankenship appeared. Dave followed right behind him: "Hey, guys, any news?" "No!" everyone said. Larry pointed to the kitchen: "Tank is reporting for dishwashing. I can't believe he's being punished with us. That's truly unique." "Who's washing dishes with him tonight?" Dave asked. "Buz and me," Bruno said, picking up his plate. "Come on, let's go." Elmer stayed in the spare equipment room of the gymnasium, taking notes and conducting his hamster experiments. Suddenly, Cathy rushed in, her anti-slip soles clattering loudly: "Alright, Elmer, it's your turn! Go take a shower, and by the time everyone gets here, I'll have taken off your gear and left!" Elmer nodded obediently and headed to the bathroom. "Hey!" Cathy called out, "Don't you want to ask how we're doing?" "How?" Elmer asked, his voice trembling. "We won!" she smiled, "Tell Mr. Clapper, he's a genius!" So when Mr. Carson led the smiling team into the locker room, they found the quarterback's uniform and gear on a bench, and Elmer was wrapped in a towel, having just finished his shower. The giant Tank ran over to hug him, but Elmer fearfully ran to the other side of the room. "Drim," Carson said affectionately, "You're a treasure beyond measure!" The celebration that night was even more enthusiastic than after the last game. As Peter said, "Let's be honest. One game was a bit of luck. Last week we lost, but today we really won!" Mr. Sturkin sat down and sighed deeply: "Things are quite complicated, Mildred. I absolutely don't want to betray this person, because I don't want McDonald's to get involved in an internal dispute with the Department of Education. So I suggested that he might want to discuss this issue with Mr. Clapper himself. Then he yelled at me about ketchup-stained letters, unreachable phones, and chili bean cream sauce—nonsense." She frowned: "That's strange." "It's said that Mr. Clapper is an important figure in the Department of Education. But I'm sure that if he doesn't report to the office immediately, he won't have an office to report to." Mrs. Sturkin looked displeased: "I really hope poor Mr. Clapper doesn't have any misfortune. The children all adore him. Besides, it's just a small disagreement with the Department of Education. Football is a wonderful experience for everyone." Mr. Sturkin groaned loudly: "Not for everyone, Mildred. Today I saw a guy who wasn't quite human wandering around the campus, dressed like a playboy, just like the original Elmer Drim. The sight was quite something, I couldn't even describe it." Mrs. Sturkin widened her eyes: "Did you talk to him?" "Of course I did. But he explained that because he's the most popular person in the school, he has to maintain a fitting image." "Hmm," his wife said thoughtfully, "Elmer might have a hard time adjusting his mentality. After living so quietly for so long, then suddenly finding himself carrying the hopes of the entire school—that's quite a lot for him to handle." "This is another thing that worries me," Mr. Sturkin said, "I still can't believe that shy, academically outstanding student in the school is the calm, agile athlete on the sports field. But you know what concerns me the most? When I mentioned the hamster search to him, he told me bluntly that he was completely uninterested in where the hamsters were." Under the north bleachers of the football field at McDonald's, the hamsters continued to multiply. The victory of the Warriors team led to a significant increase in the number of spectators. This meant more zucchini strips, most of which were thrown under the seats. The seasonings in the zucchini fries were very beneficial to the hamsters' metabolism, so the two litters grew faster than normal. Elmer's original four hamsters would soon become grandparents, and the third generation of hamsters was about to be born.