Farewell to the sunset

Author: Yan Qin / Country:
Publisher:
Publish Date: 2003-03-01
Features: This book is a love story written by the renowned author Yan Qin. She threw down the phone, taking advantage of no one noticing, and hurried back to her bedroom. What had just happened? In the mirror, her face was flushed, her eyes bright, looking both startled and delighted. Just now—what had happened? Was it? Was it? Si Zhe—huh—huh—"The crabs are ready." Jianzhi's voice came from outside, interrupting her thoughts. She wiped her face with a cold towel, took a deep breath, and then went out. Whatever had happened was a deep secret in her heart, something she couldn’t let anyone know, not even herself—yes, Si Zhe’s call had shaken her; how could he—how could he—Oh! It couldn’t be true. The figures before her were swaying, every word slipping past her ears. She felt as if she had smoked marijuana, floating in a dreamlike state where everything seemed unreal. The entire night passed like that. She didn’t remember what everyone was talking about, arguing about, or laughing at—everything was hazy, her mind filled only with the words, "I want to hear your voice." She—perhaps she had been scared into a stupor. Late at night, Jianzhi’s steady, rhythmic breathing came from beside her, but Shangguan Fu remained wide awake, not a trace of sleep in her. How could she sleep? Si Zhe’s words had exploded in her heart like a nuclear bomb, shattering her into a million pieces, leaving her unsure of where she was. Si Zhe—how could he say that? Could it be that he—him—no, no, no, no, that was impossible. Their situation was clear; it was impossible, but—why did her heart overflow with an inexplicable joy? This joy and sweetness scattered the indifference of the afternoon, vanishing without a trace, lifting her emotions to an unprecedented high. What did this mean? She couldn’t bear to think any further. Although the times had changed, she was a person educated in the West, with open and cheerful thoughts, but—she couldn’t accept this ambiguity for the moment. Besides, she and Jianzhi had always had a good relationship. She was definitely not the kind of woman who couldn’t handle a test. Sleep, sleep, sleep! When she woke up the next morning, it was a completely different day. Forget yesterday, focus on the future, as if nothing had happened. Yes. That was all she could do. Otherwise, they might never be friends again. Okay. One, two, three, forget it. Did she forget? She forced herself to nod. After nodding—her heart ached slightly. No. She had to forget. Oh, God, please give her strength. Early the next morning, she went to the supermarket to shop and then started cooking in the kitchen. Normally, she didn’t enjoy kitchen chores, but this kept her busy and distracted from thinking about Si Zhe coming home in the evening. He said he hoped to see her when he came back, that he wanted to ask her out—then he abruptly hung up without finishing his sentence. "Feeling inspired to cook on your own?" Jianzhi watched from the doorway. "Don’t come in, or you’ll be punished and can’t eat." She called. Right now, she didn’t want anyone disturbing her. She had to get through this herself. Once it was over, everything would be fine. Fortunately, after lunch, Li Juan came with Xiaoquan, and having someone to keep Jianzhi company made her feel much lighter. She decided to think everything through from the beginning—what had really happened between her and Si Zhe. Xiaoquan was pestering her to go to the movies, and Shangguan Fu seized the opportunity to persuade Jianzhi to take them along. Her excuse was that she had woken up too early and had worked hard in the kitchen, so she needed a rest. When she was alone in the house, she sat on the sofa, staring blankly. As evening fell, would Si Zhe appear? Had he really said those things on the phone yesterday? She felt a mix of anxiety and sweetness, as if she were experiencing the thrill of first love. First love? Why was she thinking of those words? When she entered at dusk, it was Jianzhi. He said he had taken Li Juan and Xiaoquan home because he didn’t want Xiaoquan to disturb her rest. They ate in silence, watched TV in silence—not because she was overly sensitive, but could Jianzhi have noticed something? He was unusually quiet. "Did you enjoy the movie?" she asked, breaking the silence. "Okay." He replied faintly. "Don’t you mind accompanying them?" "Of course not. They’re friends." He smiled. "Have you thought—when should we leave?" she asked suddenly. This was something very important to her. Although Jianzhi and Shangguan Fu did the same kind of work, he was far less active than she was. He was more down-to-earth and conservative, which is why his performance at work wasn’t as outstanding as hers. That was his personality. Even for lunch, he rarely went out; a sandwich was enough. Today, his colleagues had invited him out for lunch, and since work wasn’t busy, he went with them. On his way back to the office, he walked alone instead of joining his colleagues at the supermarket. On the way, he encountered Li Juan, who was also returning from lunch alone. Although they worked for different companies, they had a long stretch of the same route. "Afu didn’t come with you?" he asked. "I invited her, but she was already out." Li Juan replied calmly and composedly. They were close friends, and it felt natural to walk together. "Does Xiaoquan like the beer bear you bought for him?" he asked. "He loves him very much, like his own nephew or niece." "He insists on hugging him to sleep every night and won’t let him go." He laughed. Thinking of the child who was so close to him, a warm tenderness filled his heart. "Bring him to our place after work, I’ll play with him." "The kindergarten homework in Hong Kong isn’t light." she said. "He complains about it all the time." "If you talk about education systems, foreign ones are indeed much better." he sighed. "For the sake of the child, we should actually live abroad. Especially after 1997, the education system in Hong Kong might change." "Living abroad is a nightmare for me." she smiled bitterly. "After enduring so much hardship, I might lose my husband in the end." Mentioning life abroad made him fall silent. "Of course, if someone is with you, life abroad can actually be very good." she immediately realized. "Anyway, a couple shouldn’t be separated. That’s experience." "Were you willing to take Xiaoquan to Canada alone back then?" "For the family, for the future." she shook her head. "It was too early, everyone rushed—that was wrong." Jianzhi looked at her classical, beautiful face, tinged with disappointment, and felt an inexplicable sense of emotion. She was small and needed a man’s protection, especially with the adorable Xiaoquan. "If you leave Hong Kong now, it might not be the right decision." "No. In fact, where you live, where you work—it doesn’t matter. What matters is who is with you, who is accompanying you." she said. Jianzhi was shaken. What matters is who is with you. Could it be that he wasn’t satisfied with the person beside him? Afu? No, no, no, no, that couldn’t be right. He deeply loved her, their relationship was excellent, he enjoyed her company—but a tiny nerve deep inside him trembled. What did this tremor mean? He didn’t know. Back at the office, he felt uneasy. At home, especially in front of Afu, he felt uneasy. Late at night, he couldn’t sleep and didn’t dare turn over, afraid of waking her. Was it because of the immigration to the U.S. that he was now resenting Afu? He tried his best to be extra good to her, accompanying her to lunch, shopping with her, watching TV with her until late at night—all things he didn’t enjoy, things he did only out of obligation. Every second, every minute, he told himself, he loved her! But—was this backfiring? The more he forced himself, the harder it became, the more uneasy he felt. He couldn’t sleep at night, and even at work, he couldn’t concentrate. Li Jing and Huang Jun looked alarmed, unable to say a word. "Shangguan," Si Zhe’s calm voice rang out. "When the time is right, they will tell you. Some things can’t be rushed." "I’m sorry." Shangguan Fu shook her head. "When we handle things for you, the results are always perfect—success rate one hundred percent. It’s hard not to be curious." "We understand." Li Jing smiled bitterly. "But—Afu, please trust us. We mean no harm. Some things can’t be done directly; we need you to do it for us, and your identity doesn’t matter. I’m Li Jing, she’s Huang Jun. Your good friends, your partners—we won’t hurt you." "I’m sorry." Shangguan Fu shrugged. "Then let’s not ask. I’ll wait for the right moment." They talked earnestly, but Shangguan Fu didn’t relax her gaze on Jianzhi, noticing that he was restless, agitated, and silent. "Jianzhi, did you have another appointment?" she asked, looking at him. "Yes—" seeing her suspicious expression, he denied it. "No. Waiting for you to come home." She didn’t understand why he had changed his mind, but she keenly felt that he had something important to tell her. So when they got home, she treated him with calmness, peace, and indifference, hoping they could discuss things calmly. She thought this was a major decision about whether to leave or stay, and it was time to make it. "I made coffee." she offered him a cup. "Would you like some fruit or anything?" Taking the coffee, Jianzhi shook his head. "Afu—I—" he looked at her calmly, as if ready to face death. "There’s something I want to ask you." "What?" she softened her voice. "You know I won’t force you. I hope you tell the truth."