Patient's question:
I am 25 this year. A few days ago, I saw a diary of a couple's sex life online. At first, I also saw people talking about this online. Please ask the expert if what they saw online is true? Do you write a diary of a couple's sex life? Anyone who knows?Doctor's answer:
The emotional bond between a husband and wife is the most precious one. After being married for many years, I only then realized a frightening reality—the passion between me and my husband was gradually fading, almost like touching one's left hand to one's right: he no longer spoke to me impulsively and incoherently, and the once exhilarating, overwhelming pleasure was gone; he forgot our anniversary and often came home drunk, with his phone often switched off... And me? I wasn’t much better either—I would often throw pillows in a fit of anger, shop for clothes and makeup all day, and brush my teeth lazily before heading to bed... Thus, we went from sleeping in the same bed with the same blanket to sleeping in the same room but separate beds. It seemed that my marriage with him had truly entered the "second half of the night" of a dead pond. In the stillness of the deep night, I carefully reflected on the path our marriage had taken and suddenly realized: my husband had been single-handedly leading our love and marriage. Look: it was him who first "ambushed" me with a kiss, it was him who knelt on one knee to propose, it was him who initiated foreplay in our intimacy, and it was him who asked me over and over again: "Are you happy? Are you comfortable?"... Everything was his initiative, his resolution, his action. Especially in the realm of intimacy, I was always as silent as a lamb, waiting to enjoy the tenderness or passion he bestowed upon me... Could it be that because I was too "a lady of the house," he lost his fighting spirit? To rekindle our marriage, which was as still as a dead pond, I decided to change myself. Better late than never, or perhaps it was too late, but the most important thing was that I had to learn.Self-Invented Warm-Up Exercises
If love is a talk show, then marriage is a competition of skills—whether it's cooking or intimacy. From this perspective, I carefully considered my husband's physical needs and reflected on my own. Suddenly, I realized that hugging was a very and beautiful form of body language, so I decided to start with that. Every day, I would actively hug my husband once. Gradually, I also developed a set of "hugging exercises": touching his bare shoulder; wrapping my wrist around his neck from behind; pushing him against the wall and burying my head in his chest; wrapping my arms around his neck, pressing our bellies tightly together; stepping one foot on his, wrapping the other around his waist, and using both hands to tilt his head down for a kiss; leg-to-leg, gently swaying our upper bodies, and gazing deeply into each other's eyes... Next came the liberation of our ten fingers, so I learned to pinch, grab, twist... Later, I even learned to bite—softly, superficially, but very seductive. In short, touching and caressing could make us both blush. This kind of "warm-up exercise" not only dispelled my inner timidity and coldness but also awakened every inch of my skin. It was like holding hands and crossing a stream in our youth—both of us were a bit dizzy, lost in a watery reflection, our love flowing like fish in water. I became "bad," but he only got better. Breaking free from the shackles, I became the keeper of the keys to intimacy, while he became the treasure of love, inexhaustible. The "developed" husband was far from dull—his eyes were like ancient springs, his lips like endless abysses...
My Wild Diary
In my diary, I have some wild records that I’d like to share with everyone:
- Wearing leopard print lingerie and acting like a fierce animal;
- Telling love stories, with the opening line being very important;
- Taking over my husband’s cigarette and inhaling it like a spy;
- Winking at my husband;
- Replacing red roses with blue;
- Drinking red wine;
- Sitting on my husband’s lap, resting my head on his shoulders and neck;
- Keeping my nails long and painting them green;
- Holding my husband’s chin, admiring him, and pretending to be cool;
- Completing foreplay on the wooden floor;
- Letting my hair down, leaving half of it messy;
- Hanging a "Do Not Disturb" sign at the door when staying in a hotel;
- Using English in bed;
- Turning on the power switch with my toes...
Sensitive Issues Affecting Intimacy Between Couples
Husbands and wives should often discuss intimacy, but due to differences in concepts, psychology, and other factors, many issues may be untouched or too difficult to bring up. Do you also face the following problems? Let’s listen to the answers and advice from a doctor.
1. After giving birth, will he no longer like me?
It’s normal for a husband to lose interest in intimacy after his wife gives birth, butly, this phase is short, lasting only a few weeks. This doesn’t mean the wife has lost her appeal to him—it’s mainly out of consideration for her. He knows she has just endured pain and doesn’t want to add to her stress. Psychologists believe it’s natural for both partners to focus on the child during this time. However, this special phase will pass quickly. Open communication between couples is especially important. The wife shouldn’t neglect her husband’s care and affection while caring for the baby, or he may feel "abandoned."
2. Books say the average frequency of intimacy between couples is once or twice a week, but we haven’t had sex for months—do we have a problem?
No. Intimacy frequency varies from person to person, and every couple will experience a period without sex. Intimacy is intermittent—sometimes hot, sometimes cold. This is mostly due to external factors, such as financial stress, fatigue, irritability, anxiety, or even subtle psychological changes. As the saying goes, "When you’re full and warm, you think of sex"—you can’t be interested in intimacy during a stock market crash.
3. Even though my husband tried his best, I still feel a sense of loss after intimacy. Is there something wrong with me?
No problem. At most, there was poor communication. Men instinctively know what to do, but women often shy away from telling their husbands which parts need attention. When their needs aren’t met, they feel disappointed. In reality, you can either tell him directly how to do it or subtly guide his hands to touch your desired sensitive areas, expressing your pleasure and encouraging him to continue. This subtle interaction greatly benefits a harmonious intimate life.
4. What if our child sees us and panics?
It’s best to avoid this. It might awaken their sexual awareness and lead them to imitate adults in sexual play. If they do see it, explain carefully that it’s a way for people to express love. Never tell them it’s something only adults can do—doing so will only pique their curiosity.