Life and Death Date

Author: Hong Feng
Publisher:
Publish Date: 2001-09-01
Features: I know that everything God does will endure forever, without adding or taking away. He acts this way to instill awe in people before Him. What is happening now has already existed from the beginning, and what will happen in the future has already been settled. Moreover, God brings back what has passed. I guess most men are bothered by the appearance of women's breasts, and I am one of them, though not particularly special. In fact, my focus on this issue began when I could read novels, though I was not yet considered a man at that time. In my definition, a man must be someone who has had sexual relations with a woman; otherwise, even if you have a thick beard or have experienced many orgasms, you cannot be considered a true man. I have forgotten how novels described women's breasts, but I remember they were often described as full, round, high, elastic, soft, smooth, and sometimes likened to bunnies, big steamed buns, or crescent moons. I also remember that writers of that time did not write about women's reproductive organs. My understanding of that part was limited to the simple diagrams in biology class, which did not look very pleasant, combined with fear, so I never truly took note of them—or perhaps sexual taboos run deep in people's lives. Today, writers write more about reproductive organs than breasts. I have tried to write about them as well, but I have never quite mastered it. I suppose it is because I have divided the world of men's perceptions into factions. I am definitely one of those men who prefer visual and tactile experiences, and such men are often not fully mature, both mentally and emotionally. From this perspective, I have always respected writers who write only about the female genitalia, and it is precisely because of my excessive respect that I have always believed women's breasts were as they described them. Now, I want to say that for this reason, I curse those people. They exploited the ignorance and gullibility of someone who had not yet become a man, and nearly ruined his life. To be precise, it already did. I want to say my life was already ruined when I read those novels, but I did not realize it at the time. It had been lurking in my life for about seven or eight years, then suddenly emerged. I was taken aback and speechless, followed by anger and immense grievances—I nearly cried. Later, I did cry. When I walked alone in the rain after leaving that girl, I could no longer hold back my tears, crying silently but with complete abandon. She should have been the first girl I ever had physical contact with. Before meeting her, I was in my first love, a kind of love different from the current one. We were limited to discussing books and life, sometimes exchanging a few words of warmth. Even after breaking up with my first love, we never even held hands, let alone anything else. At that time, both I and my female classmates were around twenty-one or twelve, but neither of us really understood what men and women were about. Everyone says girls mature early, but I estimate they were no better off than boys at that age. Today's boys and girls are truly early bloomers.